The Big News of the Moment

Terry Shiavo died today, and I have one thing to say about that whole situation. People shouldn't have to live the way she was living. By the same token, starving to death shouldn't have been her path to the clearing, but I don't know what else could have been done that wouldn't be considered at least as murderous. I think her husband's persistence and refusal of a divorce lends credence to his statement that she would not have wanted to live that way. He could have taken the easy way and walked away, but instead he fought it for years. Whether his intentions were true or not, he'll live with that for the rest of his life. Everyone knows now who he is and what he did.

The Morning Dog

One of the items I found while preparing to move was a packet of paper that I occassionally take on backpacking excursions, especially solo trips. In this particular packet only one sheet had any writing on it. It was filled with notes for a story that I had been contemplating for some time but hadn't gotten around to writing. The notes were scattered, fragmented, and written approximately four years ago, but I remember most of them pretty well. It was kind of a pivotal point in my life. I had turned the wrong way, and I guess I was just beginning to see what the consequences would be. The story was going to be a combination of what I did and what I probably should have done.

As I said, I remember most of the pieces scattered over the page, but one small inscription in particular has captured me for the last week or so. It's the one I can't remember enough about. I know what made me write it and some of the imagery associated with it. However, I don't remember everything that it made me think and feel. This one note was supposed to be a central point in the story, and I only have a hazy notion of the profound feeling the event generated that I haven't been able to recapture yet. At the time I probably thought I would always remember it. How could I forget something so grand and beautiful, after all? But I did...at least partially. I think it's because my life has changed in so many ways since then. I never imagined it possible, but I don't have to live the way I did then. I finally got the cajones to take the steps I needed to take, and now I've got Meredith and Zach, Dan stuck with me, and I've got a better relationship with my family than I've ever had (and still have a way to go with that one).

I've decided to go ahead with the story. Maybe I'll be able to get The Morning Dog back if I write it, maybe not. But...if not, I will never even think about going back to that life just to recapture one feeling, no matter how grand and beautiful. I've got a new life with plenty of experiences to be made that will be just as good if not better. I was down for a long time, and I still get in the occassional funk. But things tend to work out the way they're supposed to in the end. Gotta look forward.

Am I a tree?

My wife did something pretty evil today. I'm so proud of her. I never expected she would do anything like this, especially to mess with a bunch of three-year-olds and their teachers. It makes me laugh just to think about it, and I'm really disappointed that I couldn't be there to see their faces. My son's daycare class had an Easter egg hunt this afternoon. Parents were supposed to bring in a number of plastic eggs filled with candy. Well, Meredith came home with what she told me were gummy bears, jelly beans, and Skittles. However, as we were filling the eggs this morning, I realized, "Hey, these aren't regular Skittles." They were the sour ones. I gave Zach a few about six months ago, and that was a moment when I wished for a camera. Now imagine the faces of 16 three-year-old boys and girls screwing up from sour Skittles...something they've likely never had in their young lives. I love my wife. I hope Zach has something to say about what she did. I'm sure if he does, it'll be cute.

The relocation is still proceeding. We didn't finish this weekend. You know, I've learned that I like to move, but I really dislike moving. Next time we're selling everything and starting over (not exactly true, but a guy can hope). I really like to familiarize myself with new places. By now, I've got quite the atlas in my head, and I've got no intentions of slowing or stopping. I am a traveller by nature--a nomad, some might say, or sans roots. I am not a tree (even though many have compared me to the ent, Treebeard from The Lord of the Rings). I am a wanderer.

Damn, I started on a tangent and have to go now. More on the move later. For now, I have to take my 'bye.

Relocation Motivation

We begin our move today. I think this place will be much better than our current apartment. The property manager is a nice elderly woman named Wilma. It's funny, though, how much smaller it looks now as compared to the first time we visited. Perception is erratic. But I'm looking forward to it; it's an excuse to get rid of more clutter. Dan is coming to help, too. Moving and having him around will help get my mind off work. I need to get away from it for a while.

Zach (my 3-yr-old son) and I had a good discussion about Leprechauns this morning. He cracks me up sometimes. I love being a dad. He reminds me of things that I haven't thought of in many years, and makes me think about things I would otherwise take for granted. We always make jokes about him having it so easy, but we don't often think about how difficult it really is to brush our teeth, how much practice it took to be able to get dressed in the morning, what kind of muscle control it takes to button our pants, or how much willpower it takes to learn our alphabet rather than play and look at things we've never seen before. He has changed my life as much as his mother has. She inspired me to see things through more positive eyes, so I dumped a glass of cold water on her while she was in the shower this morning (REALLY funny, by the way). For him, I began to look at things like they were new again. We really can live where leprechauns hide in the grass. I hope I never forget that again, and I hope I can perpetuate that feeling in him without screwing him up. They've both taught me what it is to love and be loved, which is the best thing that can happen to anybody. I am a truly lucky man.

I feel just as lucky to have Dan as a friend. He has inspired me to take some big steps in my life, and we are kindred in so many ways. But the big one is that we live life the best we can, and we do things instead of taking the vicarious route.

I was down for quite a while. These three have awakened my soul again, and I'm grateful to have them. It's very liberating to know that if I screw up, they'll still be there for me, and vice versa.

Revolution of the apathetic?

My first post was going to be sort of a tribute to my wife and my best friend, but I've got something else to say right now. It isn't necessarily that it's more important. There are too many ways to judge that. It's just that it's weighing on me.

This country has two deadly personality flaws: a short attention span and some fierce apathy. A really dangerous bill passed the Senate yesterday, and we let it happen. I didn't let it happen. I've been watching it for years. I sent my messages and called my Senator to get him to vote against it. But we let it happen. It passed by a vote of 49 to 51. My Senator voted against me, and it made a difference. The supporters of this bill knew that if they were persistent enough long enough, public interest would wane, and they would be able to get what they wanted even though it's unjustifiable.

What's funny is that four of the five oil companies that had been supporting the drilling of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge withdrew months ago for a couple of reasons. Their public backing wasn't substantial enough, and chances are really good that there's not enough oil there to make the endeavor worth it for them. It didn't matte to them that the areas they would have impacted would NEVER recover. But now they're only one step away from having their precedent to drill in other pristine areas. There is already a push to drill in the Greater Yellowstone ecosystem, in the last great grassland in the southwestern U.S., and other places that aren't as remote as ANWR. It just amazes me.

It's pretty plain to see that Dubya has manipulated public opinion and otherwise doesn't listen to us. So, how do you start a "revolution" in a group of people who don't listen long enough to care?