Spoon!

Well, I'm out of the forest for a few weeks. They'll still be busy weeks, filled with data entry and catching up with my family and friends, but it's a different kind of busy than those times when I'm sampling. It's a very happy time. I've actually had lunch with my wife almost every day since I've finished this sampling run. I'm more than half way through Faulkner's Go Down, Moses, and I really love to play with my little boy. I especially love to make him laugh. There's no other sound like it. It's good for the spirit. There are quite a few sounds that are good for the spirit, but that's one I don't think I could live without now that I've had it. It's really something special to see the influence I have in his life and to know it'll affect him in greater ways than he'll probably realize for at least a very long time, and it makes me happy to see him growing up so well. So, I guess you could say I want him to be happy for purely selfish reasons.

But then, it's a two-way street, isn't it? I never used to be an open person, but my previous marriage has shown me that I can't be happy without being open to everything around me--open to let my thoughts and emotions be known and to let the people and environment around me have it's influence. I guess on a not-quite-conscious level I have always been somewhat open to certain things, but over the last two years, I've been allowing more to come in and go out. It's inspiring to see how I affect others and how they affect me. Sometimes I feel like I'm behind in that race, because I think of what could have been if I'd been open all along. But I'm happy now, and I know how to keep it now.

Meredith and I communicate better than I've ever been able to communicate with anyone, much of the time without speaking, or by speaking very little. We always joke that we can read each other's minds, but we do have a really special connection. We always have had, and now we're growing together. My relationships with my parents and my brother are greatly improving all the time, and my true friends are closer than I've ever had. Granted, I've grown away from some other friends, but happiness is in the people around you, as well. You have to surround yourself with the people who understand enough to have a real bond.

I've recently heard (which made me finally realize I've always known) that the most loving thing you can say to someone is, "Look." You don't have to give an explanation. Showing them what you've seen is enough. It shows that you've experienced something that moved you, however little or however much, and you thought of that other person and shared that experience with them. I now see that the people I've got around me share a lot with me that way, and they're the people I share the most with, as well. This is where life is.

Now if I can just get out of grad school with a degree and become independently wealthy somehow.

Long time, no see

Wow, I really need to post. I've had a lot to say lately, but not enough time to get it out. Soon, soon....only a week of sampling left. Ugh.