The Morning Dog

One of the items I found while preparing to move was a packet of paper that I occassionally take on backpacking excursions, especially solo trips. In this particular packet only one sheet had any writing on it. It was filled with notes for a story that I had been contemplating for some time but hadn't gotten around to writing. The notes were scattered, fragmented, and written approximately four years ago, but I remember most of them pretty well. It was kind of a pivotal point in my life. I had turned the wrong way, and I guess I was just beginning to see what the consequences would be. The story was going to be a combination of what I did and what I probably should have done.

As I said, I remember most of the pieces scattered over the page, but one small inscription in particular has captured me for the last week or so. It's the one I can't remember enough about. I know what made me write it and some of the imagery associated with it. However, I don't remember everything that it made me think and feel. This one note was supposed to be a central point in the story, and I only have a hazy notion of the profound feeling the event generated that I haven't been able to recapture yet. At the time I probably thought I would always remember it. How could I forget something so grand and beautiful, after all? But I did...at least partially. I think it's because my life has changed in so many ways since then. I never imagined it possible, but I don't have to live the way I did then. I finally got the cajones to take the steps I needed to take, and now I've got Meredith and Zach, Dan stuck with me, and I've got a better relationship with my family than I've ever had (and still have a way to go with that one).

I've decided to go ahead with the story. Maybe I'll be able to get The Morning Dog back if I write it, maybe not. But...if not, I will never even think about going back to that life just to recapture one feeling, no matter how grand and beautiful. I've got a new life with plenty of experiences to be made that will be just as good if not better. I was down for a long time, and I still get in the occassional funk. But things tend to work out the way they're supposed to in the end. Gotta look forward.